foolmetwice | INBOX

[. . . would it have?]

[. . .]

No.

[that's the answer he settles on eventually, even though it's not quite. . . right. but saying "yes" wouldn't have been quite right either, would it have been?]

How could I get upset at you for something like that when we agreed there'd be no strings? Kissing is just kissing; it's not a big deal. And you're allowed to do what you want.

[tracing the edges of his mug with his forefinger, expression wrinkling to something disgruntled]

Besides. . . s'not like I don't-- I mean, I have. . . [. . .] Complicated f. . . feelings, for-- Joker, and a few others, and--

[AUGH he isn't explaining it well, and he winds up pulling back in frustration and raking a hand through his hair]

[Lily carefully considers what Mars has to say, expression held neutral.]

It wouldn't bother me if you kissed other people, especially since that was the agreement. And it doesn't bother me that you like other people, knowing you like me a lot is enough. But...

[his fingers rapidly but quietly tap against the side of his mug, giving away that he's significantly more anxious than he was letting on, and he averts his gaze.]

I guess I... don't want to just be your friend who you happen to kiss anymore? Even if you still wanted to kiss other people at the same time, even if you were interested in other people, I think... I'd like to mean something more to you than just that.

[a. . . ah]

[L. . . LIGHTLY. Mars has a lot more to say, but he's trying to dissipate some of that tension first. it hangs heavily over both of them, like a blanket]

Are. . . you asking me out?

[blinks, his fingers stopping their tapping abruptly, almost as if he was taken aback by the response]

...I guess so, yeah.

[huffs a laugh, slowly bringing his mug of coffee up to take a sip]

I think I'd be a shitty boyfriend.

[MARS??]

I'm selfish. I get angry easily. I'm reckless and I like to fight just a little too much. I don't know how to sort out my feelings, or what "normal" means, or how to even be in a relationship. I'm the kind of person who doesn't even realize I'm friends with someone unless they tell me out right.

[glancing up again]

But. . . you know all of that already. And you're still asking?

I do. And I am.

[looks back at him, rather than keep dancing around with eye contact]

I don't really know what I'm doing half the time with relationships, either — I'm just doing what I think is right, and hoping for the best. Most of my life that I can remember was spent being someone that no one cared about, having no friends, no real family... I think if I hadn't already had that strong basis of friendship with people here before that, I might've become withdrawn and antisocial. Succumbed to the idea that maybe I wasn't actually deserving of care and attention. But everyone, but you, have shown me that I am.

So maybe, just maybe... that's something we could figure out together as we go? We don't have to get it right on the first try, or even the second try. As long as we're side by side, trying our best... that would make me happy.

[...takes a sip of coffee, because all that talking at once made his throat dry]

[ah]

[. . . that's why. . . Lily is different than literally every single other crush Mars has had]

[. . .]

Edited 2019-02-25 01:25 (UTC)

Hey.

[he eventually says after a moment of silence]

I said it wouldn't have bothered me, and that's mostly true. But the truth is--

[. . .]

I really don't want to share you with anyone else.

[which sounds a little possessive, and is not at all what Mars is going for, so he amends--]

I mean. . . regardless of how I feel for other people, the only one I really want to go after is-- you.

[that moment of silence has his nerves going haywire, but once he finally speaks, Lily gently reaches across the table to try to take one of Mars' hands into his own.]

Ren.

[his voice is soft.]

You don't have to share... I'm okay with that. There's no one here that I feel for as strongly as I do for you. If I'm the person you'd want to pursue... that'd make me very happy.

[a beat, before:]

And if you ever change your mind one day, and you do want to kiss Joker, or whoever else... that's fine, too. We'll cross that bridge when we get to it.

I'm not going to change my mind.

[not anytime soon, anyway. . . and he doesn't know if it'll ever change, either. but for now? that's okay. he doesn't have to know. and maybe that's what makes being around Lily so easy. Lily doesn't expect nor need him to know. he just. . . accepts Mars as he is, however incomplete he may be]

[he extends his fingers so Lily can take them firmly in his hand]

S-- so. I guess. . . uh. I guess my answer is, sure. Let's go out.

[smiles and looks rather pleased, his shoulders relaxing as layers of tension ease out of them.]

Okay. It's settled, then.

[oh no that smile]

[Mars ducks his head a little bit, color rushing to his cheeks. he brings his other hand up so he's cradling Lily's in both of his, touch warm]

Y. . . yeah. Guess so.

[aaaaaaaaaah NOW WHAT]

Well.

Would now be a weird time to talk more about what we saw in Joker's heart? Or is there some sort of post confessing ritual event we're supposed to engage in that neither of us know about?

[. . . . . POST-CONFESSING RITUAL. . .]

[with a huff, Mars just reaches over the table, grabs Lily by his scarf and/or shirt collar, and drags him forward for a kiss. an over-the-table kiss]

[he's wearing this today!

but yeah, this definitely works. he's okay with this. it's a little awkward, and he's carefully scooting his coffee cup out of the way, but he's also kissing back immediately and without complaint.]

[does this work for a post-confessing ritual?? . . . does it really count as confessing when they both sort of already knew thanks to the buddy bond? eh. semantics]

[either way, Mars lingers for a little bit, fingertips trailing across Lily's cheeks. . . and then he eventually pulls back and plops back into his chair, head bowed as he reaches for his mug of coffee again]

Does that work?

Yes. That definitely worked.

[you kiss fiend, you...

settles back into his own seat, taking a sip of coffee to clear the nicotine taste that lingered a little more bitterly than usual]

[now to work on getting him to quit so his kisses are smoke free]

Before we move on, I did want to ask you something else.

[ah?]

. . . if it hadn't been for me, would you have kissed Joker? His. . . heart construct? I mean--

[GESTURES VAGUELY]

Do you like him, too?

[he'll probably bring that up sometime that is Not Now tbh because Mars. pls. consider your health...

he tilts his head curiously when Mars first begins to speak, wrapping his fingers around the coffee cup to appreciate the sting of heat as he listens. he takes a moment to consider the question before answering, humming thoughtfully.]

I kissed him in the mistletoe game, and it was fun, so I probably would've. I don't feel as strongly for anyone else as I do for you, but..

[hm. he'll be nice and honest, since he knows Mars likes Joker too anyways.]

I think I'm at least a little interested? Especially after the whole heart experience, but not because of the asking to kiss me thing. I saw a bunch of his memories, felt a lot of his feelings, got to talk to different pieces of him... I like his inner strength and conviction. He's the type of person that, when it comes down to keeping himself safe or helping someone in need, he'd choose the latter. Every time. I admire that quality in him.

[UNSURE HOW TO FEEL ABOUT THIS!!! on the one hand: Mars has Joker dokis. on the other: does he have to share EVERY SINGLE CRUSH with Joker??]

. . . he's--

[a pause]

He's something.

[HE'S SOMETHING]

Edited 2019-02-25 04:03 (UTC)

You don't have to worry about it, though. I'm pretty sure it was just a situation where he would've hit on anyone, and I'm not going to attempt to pursue anything with anyone if we're together.

I'm perfectly content with how things are.

I'm not worried.

[. . . Joker is. . . a pretty good guy, after all. there's a reason Mars also has the dokis]

[and he really doesn't think Lily would pursue anything with anyone else after this conversation, so. . .! maybe in the future, if Mars figures things out, but. . .]

I'm really not.

[he's certainly in no hurry for Mars to figure things out, if ever at all, even! take it at your own pace, bud.]

Good.

[LILY IS TOO GOOD TO MARS]

. . . did you wanna talk more about what happened in Joker's Palace?

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