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Really? Huh.

I was poking around in most of the cells, so I'm surprised.

[timey-wimey spacey-wacey shenanigans at work]

Too bad. You missed me wearing a maid costume.

[it's said so deadpan it's hard to tell if he's serious]

Edited 2019-02-24 23:46 (UTC)

[. . . . . . . . .]

What?

[did]

[DID HE JUST]

[ALLOW HIMSELF TO BE CONSUMED MY NERVES AND PARANOIA BECAUSE OF A MAID COSTUME]

That's irrelevant, though.

I have something kind of serious I'd like to discuss with you? About something that happened in there.

[. . . oh nevermind]

[he wants to revisit maids later, but. for now. . .]

What happened?

I went into a cell that I think represented Joker's sexual desires. He propositioned me.

[takes another sip of coffee.]

I have no idea if it came from a place of interest, or if it would've happened to anyone that wandered in there, but I guess it doesn't really matter. I told him no, and then he asked for a kiss, and I told him no again. I think I upset him a little? But.

[get to the point, Lily!]

After our conversation a week ago, I just... it didn't feel right. I could only think of you. I know we agreed that this would be no strings attached, but...

[he trails off]

[. . . there was a piece of Joker's heart representing sexual desires??]

[IT WAS PROPOSITIONING PEOPLE???]

[wait could one even bang a piece of someone's heart, like. . . how does that work?? it's all metaphorical???]

[his head hurts]

[wh]

[wait]

[he's not focusing on the right part of the conversation here]

[... it didn't feel right. I could only think of you. I know we agreed that this would be no strings attached, but...]

[. . .]

[his fingers curl around his mug a little bit, knuckles turning white. he's tense, but not withdrawing. both terrified and interested to see where this conversation is going all at once. his instincts tell him to interrupt and run, but he manages to quell them, to force himself to keep an even expression. to stick around to see what Lily is saying next]

[a shaky breath, in and out, and he speaks]

. . . but?

I'm not sure if that's the case anymore. It feels like... this has evolved past friends who kiss each other sometimes.

We... like each other, right? You never said it, but I... I felt it.

[hunches his shoulders a bit, gaze flickering down so he can stare at his cup of coffee]

. . .

I-- [. . .]

[USE YOUR WORDS, MARS. this is one of those rare times where Buddy Bond just won't cut it]

I. . . y-- yeah.

I like you-- a lot.

...Would it have upset you if I kissed Joker?

[. . . would it have?]

[. . .]

No.

[that's the answer he settles on eventually, even though it's not quite. . . right. but saying "yes" wouldn't have been quite right either, would it have been?]

How could I get upset at you for something like that when we agreed there'd be no strings? Kissing is just kissing; it's not a big deal. And you're allowed to do what you want.

[tracing the edges of his mug with his forefinger, expression wrinkling to something disgruntled]

Besides. . . s'not like I don't-- I mean, I have. . . [. . .] Complicated f. . . feelings, for-- Joker, and a few others, and--

[AUGH he isn't explaining it well, and he winds up pulling back in frustration and raking a hand through his hair]

[Lily carefully considers what Mars has to say, expression held neutral.]

It wouldn't bother me if you kissed other people, especially since that was the agreement. And it doesn't bother me that you like other people, knowing you like me a lot is enough. But...

[his fingers rapidly but quietly tap against the side of his mug, giving away that he's significantly more anxious than he was letting on, and he averts his gaze.]

I guess I... don't want to just be your friend who you happen to kiss anymore? Even if you still wanted to kiss other people at the same time, even if you were interested in other people, I think... I'd like to mean something more to you than just that.

[a. . . ah]

[L. . . LIGHTLY. Mars has a lot more to say, but he's trying to dissipate some of that tension first. it hangs heavily over both of them, like a blanket]

Are. . . you asking me out?

[blinks, his fingers stopping their tapping abruptly, almost as if he was taken aback by the response]

...I guess so, yeah.

[huffs a laugh, slowly bringing his mug of coffee up to take a sip]

I think I'd be a shitty boyfriend.

[MARS??]

I'm selfish. I get angry easily. I'm reckless and I like to fight just a little too much. I don't know how to sort out my feelings, or what "normal" means, or how to even be in a relationship. I'm the kind of person who doesn't even realize I'm friends with someone unless they tell me out right.

[glancing up again]

But. . . you know all of that already. And you're still asking?

I do. And I am.

[looks back at him, rather than keep dancing around with eye contact]

I don't really know what I'm doing half the time with relationships, either — I'm just doing what I think is right, and hoping for the best. Most of my life that I can remember was spent being someone that no one cared about, having no friends, no real family... I think if I hadn't already had that strong basis of friendship with people here before that, I might've become withdrawn and antisocial. Succumbed to the idea that maybe I wasn't actually deserving of care and attention. But everyone, but you, have shown me that I am.

So maybe, just maybe... that's something we could figure out together as we go? We don't have to get it right on the first try, or even the second try. As long as we're side by side, trying our best... that would make me happy.

[...takes a sip of coffee, because all that talking at once made his throat dry]

[ah]

[. . . that's why. . . Lily is different than literally every single other crush Mars has had]

[. . .]

Edited 2019-02-25 01:25 (UTC)

Hey.

[he eventually says after a moment of silence]

I said it wouldn't have bothered me, and that's mostly true. But the truth is--

[. . .]

I really don't want to share you with anyone else.

[which sounds a little possessive, and is not at all what Mars is going for, so he amends--]

I mean. . . regardless of how I feel for other people, the only one I really want to go after is-- you.

[that moment of silence has his nerves going haywire, but once he finally speaks, Lily gently reaches across the table to try to take one of Mars' hands into his own.]

Ren.

[his voice is soft.]

You don't have to share... I'm okay with that. There's no one here that I feel for as strongly as I do for you. If I'm the person you'd want to pursue... that'd make me very happy.

[a beat, before:]

And if you ever change your mind one day, and you do want to kiss Joker, or whoever else... that's fine, too. We'll cross that bridge when we get to it.

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DONE

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